You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
