You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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