Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
