VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wear drunk well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
