You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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