I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
