Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
