It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize