The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Boobs are out for the taking
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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