Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
