either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
