I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
