our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
