also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
