your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
