im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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