god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
