Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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