I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dignity is for republicans.
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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