i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
