I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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