is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
