I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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