just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
