Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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