My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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