im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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