I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
