his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
