I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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