she looked like the before picture.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
