His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
