You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
