This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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