i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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