Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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