we're chasing vodka with high fives
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
