so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
