i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
