I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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