not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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