I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
