I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
