I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
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Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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third nipple confirmed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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