at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
