Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
