there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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