I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
