It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize