i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
