I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
