Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
