Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
