if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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