i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
